Well it has been quite an eventful day in terms of my temperament. It feels as if I have been riding an emotional roller-coaster and trying so hard to stop the ride with no success
Then I remembered that since having YOU in my life my hormones have been off key and I am not as patient as I once was. But I also remembered that this is how we began, YOU and I…
If anything, it felt so much worse trying to resist. But two things helped me today, you and spending time with my friends. In theory, I know that whatever you focus on magnifies. Saying that, I already understood I was setting myself up for a rocky start when my neighbour began making loud knocking noises on the wall at 6 am. So feeling like a wood pecker had been drumming away on my forehead all night, I woke up feeling disgruntled and very annoyed, especially as this wasn’t the first time. However, knowing full well that focusing on this was only going to make it worse, what did I go and do- I focused on it all morning. I sat on the train recounting how I felt, and getting agitated with every thought. I even took out my phone and wrote a message to my landlord, further detailing how I felt so that I could send it as soon as I got out the station. Needless to say I was attracting energy that would anger and annoy me and by mid-day, I received a message that sent me into a rage.
It is not important what was said in the message, what is important to note was my reaction, and how I felt so angry and justified for feeling so. I vented to a friend and she responded with all the rational steps I should take and I realised that this made complete sense and I calmed down. Seeing her reaction and rational way of handling this situation, I began to look inwardly and began questioning myself. Why do I continuously keep reacting so intensely? Why do I have so many triggers? I used to be a lot calmer. Then I remembered that since having YOU in my life my hormones have been off key and I am not as patient as I once was. But I also remembered that this is how we began, YOU and I.
We tend to assume people should already know how we feel, how their actions affect us, that they should just know better.
The rational response from my friend was to sit down and discuss the matter with the person that sent me the disgruntling message. Simple. But since early childhood, I would bottle up my feelings never ever discussing how I felt. Several years of doing this lead to you. These are the ingredients for developing any kind of illness and it is interesting how instead of venting to someone else or bottling up our emotions ,immersing ourselves in that negative ocean of bitterness and anger, simply being able to go to the person and discuss how their actions made you feel, instantly puts out the fire and could literally save lives. I learnt that having emotions are good but to lead with emotion is not such a great move. Taking a step back, being rational about a situation and open about how it makes you feel is more of a liberating experience. We tend to assume people should already know how we feel, how their actions affect us, that they should just know better. But often times, the other party is not aware. I believe direct communication, in a gentle manner, is key.
I know this is far easier to say than to do
By communicating directly to the person, not for the purpose of imposing your thoughts and feelings, but rather for understanding is quite an uplifting experience. This way you are both able to solve the situation before it becomes a stain on our souls, harder to remove and causing unnecessary discomfort. I know this is far easier to say than to do and I also realise that there are many people in my life that I have yet to have this type of discussion with. But just realising that this simple act can be such a cleansing experience and has lead me write a list of people in my life that I need to talk with. Your presence in my life has made me see how being open and honest is the path to a life without suffering.
